How to catch a Lion? (Good Humor)

Newton 's Method:

Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Implies you caught lion.
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Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.

Now you can trap it easily.
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Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.

If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

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Indian Police Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .

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Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.

The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

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Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
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Manirathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears.

The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
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Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest.

Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.

Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.

First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.

But 2nd lioness loves both lions.

Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.

You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
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Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
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Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. The Lion will drop dead just watching!
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Menaka Gandhi method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
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George bush method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

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Ravi Shastri method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u.

U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run

Lion tired and surrenders

SMS Jokes

Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law? Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way 2 marry ur daughter!

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A lady delivered twins. Surprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible? Bcoz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever u go out network follows

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Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...!

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Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

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A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

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A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!!

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What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH!

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Girl: I wanna a responsible man as a husband. Man replies: Dat's me, whenever anyone is pregnant in my neighborhood, they say I m responsible!

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Friend: how many women do u believe must a man marry? Mr. Bean: 16 Friend: Why? Mr. Bean: Coz the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.

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Psychiatrist' s receptionist comes & says There's a man out who says he can make himself invisible. Psychiatrist: "Tell him I can't see him right now."

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There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it. There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it!

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Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks To be as rich as his child believes To have as many women as his wife suspects..

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Women are like blue jeans, They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

English is a Funny Language ( FUNNY HUMOR )

In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?

In what other language do they call the third hand on the clock the second hand?

Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?

Why - in our crazy language - can your nose run and your feet smell?

Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane:

If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?

A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings.

But fingers don't fing and grocers don't groce.

If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?

If the teacher taught, why isn't it also true that the preacher praught?

If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameless and shameful behavior the same?

English is a language in which you can turn a light on and you can turn a light off and you can turn a light out, but you can't turn a light in;

In which the sun comes up and goes down, but prices go up and come down.

In which your nose can simultaneously burn up and burn down and your car can slow up and slow down, in which you can fill in a form by filling out a form and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.

English is a crazy language. What is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible; and why when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?

Tricky Plurals
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We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;

but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;

yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,

and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Lets face it, English is a crazy language!

First Class Managers ( Joke )

A First Class Manager (FCM) is going thru' a forest one evening when his car breaks down. He looks around and finds a lone house. He knocks the door which is opened by a stunning woman.
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FCM: Can I spend the night at your place?
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Woman: Well. I live alone.
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FCM: I'm an honourable man, a FCM.
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Woman: I got only one bed.
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FCM: No problem. I'm an honourable man, a FCM.
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Woman: I go to bed naked.
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FCM: No problem. I'm an honourable man, a FCM.
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Woman: Be my guest, FCM.
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Next morning while leaving, FCM finds the woman busy with her poultry.
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FCM: Good birds you got there.
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Woman: Yeah.
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FCM: How many cocks and how many hens?
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Woman: Two hundred hens, one cock..
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FCM: But I can see over a dozen cocks around.
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Woman: Only one cock over there. The others are first class managers.

Freaky Lunch Notes